October 11th, 2025

[2:21 pm]

 I can't fucking STAND my family sometimes, it pisses me off. 

My house hasn't been clean for over 5 fucking years, the dishes are piling up, my cats are shitting everywhere cause nobody's emptying the cat litter, there's nowhere to cook because my mom keeps getting Tupperware that we never use from my grandma, even though we have NOWHERE to put it, and our yard looks like some meth addict lives here. HELL, I don't even know where any of the cleaning supplies are because they're buried deep under all the shit that's in the garage, it's THAT bad.

But instead of actually taking the time to clean the house for once in their damn lives, they just say "oh yeah, I'm gonna do it tomorrow, tomorrow we're getting this house cleaned, we can't keep living in this shit pile anymore!", and they never do it, then they expect ME to do it because for some fucking reason, they think that shifting the responsibility onto ME, the lazy and retarded adult, is gonna do jack shit.

And then when I don't do it, they get pissed at ME for being "lazy" even though THEY themselves are lazy too. They want the house to be clean but don't wanna put in the effort, yet somehow it's MY fault that it's like this. It's gotten so bad to the point where I can barely even remember how to do basic things like load the dishwasher or washing machine, because they never actually took the time to teach me how to, they just expected me to know as if I'd somehow learn that on my own.

And the fucking way they tell me how me how to do anything pisses me off, like with the kitty litter, they always tell me I only need to fill it "a little bit," but I don't know what the fuck they mean by "a little bit," so they always yell at me for overfilling it every time I do it, and they wonder why i stopped taking care of the kitty litter. Same with the dishes, they're always nagging me about how to fill the dishwater (mainly my sister specifically), and no matter what way, shape, matter or form i arrange the dishes, she always finds a way to complain about it, and everyone wants to act surprised that I don't empty the dishwasher anymore. 

My whole family complains about the way I clean, and wonders why I can't clean? huh, I FUCKING WONDER WHY... 

And god FORBID I want to buy something and try to improve my life myself, or want to go out somewhere and get out of this damn house, because they wanna always bitch about "oh, you'll always want something, but I never get anything in return! Next time you ask for a favor, I'll treat you the way you treat me! mememememe", either that or they make some empty promise they never go through with, then get all pissy when I ask them about it again. 

I still remember how when I was still dating my friend, and I was begging my parents to let me have a bus pass so that I could finally go on a date with him, and they kept telling me "oh yeah, I'll see, I'll get you that bus pass later", then they never did even though I kept reminding them about it, and at one point even accused me of trying to hook up with a pedophile or some shit because my bitch ass sister found out and just HAD to open her fucking mouth, and they refused to let me have the bus pass. (I never told them I was dating cause I didn't want my parents accusing him of trying to groom me or some shit, even though we were both adults at the time. They still don't know about him btw)

That alone managed to kill off our entire relationship, and we broke up (i think) a few weeks after that. Haven't found a new partner since because they still refuse to let me go anywhere outside of this fuckass plaza where there's basically nobody to talk to, and I've been stuck in my gross house, alone.

Honestly, just the lack of discipline in this fucking house makes me sick, but atp, I feel like it's probably too late to do anything anymore. Infact, I actually feel like they made it this way intentionally just so that we get depressed and feel miserable, and people can pity out parents for "having it so rough :(" while trying to keep me from saying anything bad about them because they can't handle criticism (maybe they're the reason why I'm like this). 

Idek wtf to say anymore, i'm tired of being fucking depressed and miserable thanks to them. I barely sleep, I eat like shit, I have only one friend that i feel like is growing distant with me in favor of his new girlfriend (not mad at him though), I have no social life, no job, barely leave the house anymore, and I haven't been in therapy or been on meds since... idk, last year? several months ago?? Can't even remember anymore, but all I know is that I'm getting worse, and it's all because my parents would rather live in this shithole and not do anything about it.

I just hope that my grandma dies soon so that we can move out of this fucking neighborhood and have a fresh start, but that's not gonna happen anytime soon, because my mom always goes to HER place and takes care of HER instead of the family she has at home. Infact, she's out of the house so often that I wouldn't be surprised if she was cheating on dad with some twilight characteresque looking chad at this point. I wouldn't even be surprised if they got a divorce now over it too (either way, I wish they had ages ago, because they're always fighting about something and they haven't been on a date or had sex with each other in god knows how long)

You know, maybe that could explain why she's sabotaging my relationships, so that she can make sure I end up a lesbodike faggot so she could have all the men to herself and have leverage over me as the "straight ally" of the house, or to coverup the fact that she's seeing another guy. Or maybe my parents are trying to make me incompetent so that they can be praised for raising a "difficult" child. Maybe that's what they're doing all this for.

But I guess we'll never know, because it doesn't matter if I call them out or not, nothing will change, because at the end of the day, I'm the "lazy, retarded, and self centered family disappointment who can never take accountability", my sister's the "lesbian college graduate who's the only one that actually has a chance at life", and my parents are the "hardworking former drug addicts who "got sober," and can do no wrong because of that!" (sarcasm) 

fuck i hate it here...