October 21st, 2025

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[11:44 pm] 

My head is fucking spinning and ringing and everyting is so loud to the point I can't even focus. I can't even fucking doom-scroll because of how bad it is, I'm disoriented as shit, and it doesn't fucking help that my parents are arguing over some noises coming from somewhere and shit, and honestly, I'm just tired of everything. 

And I got forced to apply to this shitty job that I'm nowhere near qualified for, so my mom's been trying to change my sleep schedule by making me stay up all day, so I haven't even had the energy to do jack shit today, and my parents are getting mad at me for it and are also getting pissed because my sleep schedule hasn't changed at all (infact I've been staying up more and having a hard time falling asleep), and I'm fucking overwhelmed so bad right now because everything hurts. 

I feel like i'm getting close to a meltdown because I can't calm myself down for shit, and we all know how "coping mechanisms" don't work at all! 

I don't know what to do anymore... 

 Somebody help me

[1:57 am, October 22]

Okay, so i decided to take an edible, and that evaded a meltdown, but good fucking lord I hate my dad. 

He JUST got into a second argument with his wife over how to clean the flower crusher (basically the thing that crushes up the weed before you roll it and shit), and he was scolding me over it the whole time i was trying to clean out the damn thing using flimsy ass alcohol wipes and a mini screwdriver and he kept telling me that i was "doing it wrong" (even though i was doing it the way he ASKED me to), so that pissed me off more than I already was (and he could tell I was stressing the fuck out from the way I was asking him for a joint, he just didn't care), and yet SOMEHOW he has the balls to come over to me RIGHT AFTER THAT and vent about his damn debt problem AS IF HE COULDN'T HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE THAT OUT MONTHS AGO ANYWAY!

 Apparently, he said he was going to another state to try to pay off our bills because the god damn government got shut down, and that means we can't get food stamps until it opens back up, and honestly right now I think a couple months without him would be GREAT right now, and if he's saying it can pay him enough to pay our bills and shit, he can go ahead, but instead of talking to his WIFE about it, he decided that he was gonna give me this whole ass lecture about how I should "care about the family", and "learn to leave your bubble, man" and all that shit, basically invalidating me for the depression I'm currently struggling with thanks to them. 

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