October 29th, 2025

 

[6:32 am] 

 Apologies for the lack of updates everyone, but I think I might have just found the one! <3

So, a few days ago on the 4chan post i made, somebody exchanged discords with me and asked me out, and since I was looking for a boyfriend, I simply said "sure, why not?"

 I really don't care if I just met this dude, I love him so much it feels so cheesy thinking about it. 

Outside of just being a little sexually repulsed, he's basically a lot like my friend/ex bf to the point it feels so comforting. He's sweet, understanding, asks about my interests, and he's just the cutest god damn thing in the world,  and we've been talking so much to the point I think that if my mom doesn't fucking ruin it this time, I think I might actually have a future with this guy! (better not tell my sister anything, just her dumbass just HAD to open her mouth and that's how my mom nearly found out)

He's also got that cute little ":]" face that I like with sub5 guys, it's adorable. :3

But at the same time, I feel so bad for him. 

He opened up to me last night about some financial shit he's been dealing with (he's basically homeless), and I want to help him out because as a financially struggling girl myself, i know how hard that is. But he's the first homeless person I've ever formed a relationship with, so I really don't know what to do.

So I decided to flock to 4chan again to see if I could get any advice on what to do in this situation, but low and behold, got some trolls again telling me that I'm making the whole thing up for clout somehow, and they wouldn't believe me no matter what context I gave or what "evidence" i posted (seriously, how the hell do you prove someone you met online is homeless without literally doxxing their ass? That makes NO sense whatsoever.) I nearly even got doxxed myself because someone asked me to post my name and shit, and when I caught on that they were trolls and told them I wasn't doing it, somehow that made it worse, it's fucking retarded as hell. 

Anyway, I decide to rant about it on /s4s/ (basically a "post whatever tf you want" board) because I was pretty pissed off, and for some fucking reason, i got better advice on the shitpost board than I did on the ADVICE board.

Okay, I wouldn't say "better", but more like "less bullshit" advice, but either way, at least I wasn't getting dogged on by some retarded dipshits that just wanted to cause trouble for shits and giggles. 

Basically everyone think that my boyfriend's somehow exploting me for money (even though he's literally relying on public WiFi just to contact me) and that I should break up with him over it even if he didn't do anything wrong, but I'm not going to break up with him JUST because he's having some money problems, that's just fucked up and stupid.

But after a while, somebody suggested that I could "send him what i can afford", I decided to put on my big brain and do some math, and I decided that I could split the $16/hr I'm getting from my job that I'm gonna be working at pretty soon (first shift is in November) between me, boyfriend, and my family (basically $220 for my family, $110 for boyfriend, $110 for whatever else I need)

God damn, wanting to be a good girlfriend is complicated as shit.. O_o 

At the end of the day, i'm just hoping that I can find a way to be able to support him soon, because he really deserves it, and I love him so much. Even if he's not my "ideal" boyfriend, he's still amazing and shit, and it hurts seeing him in a position as helpless as this, plus I don't want him being stuck out in the winter and god knows what happens to him.

 Anyway, minus the obvious dipshits and trolls, 4chan's honestly pretty fun to post to. I love seeing the most random ass shit on different boards, conspiracy theories, memes, people being supportive to one another, cool art.. Basically it's whole lot better than people said about the site, I love it! :>

I'm mostly active on either /s4s/ or /adv/ tbh, but I occasionally post to other boards too depending on the threads I find and shit. It's fun.

Idk what else to write so here's Osaka cause fuck it 

 

 santa andagi :D

 

 

 

 

[8:40 pm]

 i wanna fucking kill myself so bad.

I just woke up from a god damn nap that I didn't mean to take, and my boyfriend had an interview today and I wasn't there to comfort him, and he got worried, and now his Internet's out again and I can't reach out to him and apologize for missing it. 

I'm so selfish.... 

And on 4chan, everyone still won't believe me when I say I love him, and I'm fucking crying right now because I don't know what these fucking people want.  

I can't stop fucking thinking about what they said about him, and it's hurting me so much, because I know he wouldn't do that, but I'm having doubts about it, and it's stressing me out so horribly because I don't know what to think anymore..

Why, why do I have to be so ugly and horrible to the point my only option is some dude across the country that I can't even talk to all the time because he's fucking homeless and is probably only dating me out of pity for me? Why can't I just be actually loved for once, why do these people have to toy with my emotions everyday?? 

Nobody fucking cares about me, nobody STAYS with me.. 

It's my parents fault. They made me like this. 

They raised me to be so useless and stupid and unwell, and their drug use made me so fucking ugly tot he point that nobody wants me, and it's also why we're so poor.

I hope they fucking die already, i hate them i hate them i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  i hate them i hate them  I HATE THEM.

i BARELY EVEN FEEL HUMAN ANYMORE THANKS TO THEM, AND THEY WANT TO BLAME ME FOR IT? FUCK THAT.

I want to pour prison napalm down their throat so bad, they ruined my life and got away with it. Well I won't let them. 

And all of my ex friends? they can fucking die too. because thanks to them, I can't keep a relationship at all, and they're the reason I'm so distant and unable to feel empathy for anyone.

I hate everyone and I hope you all die.