December 11th, 2025

 

 

 [10:05 am]

 Day 4 of me finding out about the conspiracy

---

I just wish that YandereDev would have a conversation with me for once. 

I know he's a hard working man and all, but every-time I get the chance to be able to talk to him on VC, he always seems so distant towards me and stuff, and even a little uncomfortable with talking to me. Same thing with whenever I DM him on discord, he usually only responds with just a few words merely acknowledging what I sent him, if he responds at all. It's actually making me wonder if he doesn't like me for some reason. 

And I know it's targeted at me because he seems to be more engaged when talking to someone else, like say, Adolfin (one of the mods for his discord server), or Lillith (one of his fans). Maybe it's something I did or said that's making him uncomfortable? Maybe it's because I'm young? (but then again, he has no problem talking to his fans that are younger than me, so that's out of the question)? What is it about me that he doesn't like???

I wonder if me becoming an official sponsor or buying his merch is going to get him to engage with me. Maybe he might thank me for supporting him, and that could spiral into a full blown conversation with him about whatever (probably something related to Yandere Simulator, or hopefully one of his interests. I really want to get to know him better!)

I do know one thing for sure, and that if he ends up leaving me completely, I'll have no way to cope with it. I can't afford to lose him, so I gotta find a way to engage with him quickly.

...

Ooh! I know! what if I ask my mom to get me a new mic so I can start learning voice acting?? I heard YandereDev's always looking for new volunteers, so maybe if I train my voice to be good for VAing in his game, he'll want to talk to me more!! 

But how DO i train my voice for that kind of thing? I never did it before, and I don't have a good mic to do it with.. 

Hopefully I can convince one of the VAs to be a tutor for me, so that I can learn how to do it. 

Or maybe I could teach myself how to program? I remember how Dev said he especially needing a programmer to replace him as the lead programmer, so maybe I could be the person that he needs in his life. 

Yeah, I think that'd work great...!

Okay, I'm gonna ask my mom later today to drop me off at the library so I can look for a book about video game programming and begin my work as soon as I get some RAM (and maybe an external hard drive) for my computer. Hell, maybe i could even ask my mom to get a graphics card so that I can run shit like blender if need be! 

Fuck yes, that's genius!! 

Actually now that I think about it, doing something like this would solve a ton of problems; Not only would I save my para-social relationship with YandereDev, it could also give me a job so that I can quit this bell-ringing bullshit, I'd never have to leave the house again! And it could give me a purpose so that I can break out of the conspiracy!! 

YES, THAT'S IT!! 

Okay, starting today, my life finally begins to take shape! And who knows? maybe in the future after Yandere Sim is finished, I could create my own games too! And then I could become one of the lead game devs in the industry if I work hard enough!! 

Yeah, I think that'd be great, but for now, it starts with learning how to do all that stuff. So off to the library I go!

 Let's just pray to god nothing goes wrong. I can't risk losing this opportunity now.

[2:08 pm] 

I finally got the book, but I'm starting to stress out. 

So, I decided to get Unity (since that's what Yandere Simulator runs on), and I'm trying to install it on my computer, but it's basically taking forever to install, and I keep running into errors. I'm starting to wonder if my computer can even handle this. To top it all off, I can hear my mom fucking nagging me about cleaning the cat litter, like BITCH, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF INSTEAD OF WATCHING THOSE DAMN KAREN VIDEOS ALL DAY?? 

Let's not panic now, and let's just hope it installs when I get home. I need to be able to do this, for YandereDev. 

 [8:43 pm]

I fucking hate my kettle driver today so much.

As soon as he came to collect my stuff, I told him that I was considering quitting, and before I could even finish what I was about to say, this dickweed decides to fucking guilt trip me and tell me I can't. 

"oh you shouldn't quit because there's homeless people that are benefiting from this! you'd be so selfish if you quit! memememememe" 

I literally do not fucking care, everyday, it's always the same shit: clock in, stand in a crowded area for 4 hours, back and feet sore as shit, just sitting there trying to greet as many people as I can, while 99% of them don't even acknowledge me there or look at me weird, all just to get little to no donations, clock out, and go home depressed and miserable, and then the next day I gotta do it ALL over again! All while not getting paid for shit. Overall, I just fucking hate this job, and I hate him especially. What an asshole.

I bet that he doesn't even care about those fucking homeless people either and is only saying that shit just to guilt trip me into not quitting. That dick-weed doesn't even know how it actually feels to be homeless, does he? Those donations don't even go to fucking homeless people, they go to the whole county in general that the particular service is in, so I don't even know what he's on about. Like god damn, couldn't he at least ask me to just put in a two weeks notice with my kettle coordinator???

If I weren't so fucking scared of being yelled at, I would've just cursed him the fuck out then and there, cause who the HELL does he think he is by trying to guilt trip me like that?? He's lucky i'm too weak to beat his ass too, and he's INCREDIBLY lucky to be on my dad's side for that same reason.

Actually, the fuck am i saying? Of course my dad's gonna be on that asshole's side, same with my mom and everyone. because it's all part of the conspiracy to make me suffer as much as possible for their damn human experiments for the government to invent new kinds of torture and mind control!

WHAT THE FUCK DO THESE PEOPLE WANT  FROM ME???? 

Whatever, I'll just get myself sick on Monday and when I get to call in, I'll just tell the coordinator that I want to quit entirely! maybe he'll be more sympathetic about it than that retarded driver. Maybe he'll even fire that damn driver for the mere disrespect!

Yeah, I think that would make me feel so much better about this..  

Though, honestly, at this rate, the conspiracy has gotten so bad that the only one I can trust anymore is YandereDev, but given how he's ignoring me, I'm suspecting he's in on it too. Maybe he thinks that by torturing one of his own fans, he could get some money to fund Yandere Simulator's development so that he won't have to do the crowdfunding campaign. That's why he didn't do it when Osana was released, because the government offered him money to emotionally torture me and then leave when I inevitably kill myself from the stress.

It's all coming together now... this para-social "relationship" isn't me being in love like I thought, I was manipulated into falling in love with him by the circumstances of what happened back in August of last year. Those drugs that the doctors gave me in the mental hospital were made to alter my personality completely, which is why I split from Tony Crynight, became bigoted, and fell in love with another man that doesn't love me back. 

In other words, this was all part of their fucking plan to make me suffer. It's a conspiracy. 

But then again, what if splitting from him only makes it worse? what if they want me to suddenly split and get angry at him, and then the people in YandereDev's fandom suddenly hate me and then begin to torture me too, while his haters look down on me for even trusting him at all, basically leaving me with nobody to trust?? what if that's part of their plan, part of the conspiracy??????????

I feel so trapped, I don't know what to do.... 

I'll just go return the book tomorrow and forget about being a programmer entirely, my computer crashed on me earlier cause of Unity anyway, and I doubt Dev would hire someone who has little to no experience with anything he needs.

I just wish he cared about me for once, I need him...