Nozomi's Diary

  [6:32 am]   Apologies for the lack of updates everyone, but I think I might have just found the one! <3 So, a few days ago on the 4chan post i made, somebody exchanged discords with me and asked me out, and since I was looking for a boyfriend, I simply said "sure, why not?"  I really don't care if I just met this dude, I love him so much it feels so cheesy thinking about it.  Outside of just being a little sexually repulsed, he's basically a lot like my friend/ex bf to the point it feels so comforting. He's sweet, understanding, asks about my interests, and he's just the cutest god damn thing in the world,  and we've been talking so much to the point I think that if my mom doesn't fucking ruin it this time, I think I might actually have a future with this guy! (better not tell my sister anything, just her dumbass just HAD to open her mouth and that's how my mom nearly found out) He's also got that cute little ":]" face that I l...

  [6:22 am]  There's nothing that pisses me off more than when people tell me that the problems that I've dealt with my whole life are somehow MY fault.   So, I decided to post on 4chan for the very first time (I feel so proud of myself :D), and I posted a simple thread talking about how I was considering a dating app after my friend broke up with me and got with some whore and shit, and all I asked was if a dating app would be a good idea for my situation. That's all I asked, nothing about my appearance or my personal life, just the possibility of using a dating app. I can't tell if this was ragebait or not, but tell me WHY some dickweed decided to completely ignore the question entirely and go on this stupid tangent about how i should "take care of myself 🥺" and how "you're too young and immature to date because I said so!! 🥺" (even though my last relationship would've been perfectly fine if it weren't for my mom accusing me of hookin...

[7:19 pm]  I feel so depressed and tired, it's not even funny anymore. I fucking hate being a hikikomori, i don't even know why people even glaze this shit.  Everyday feels the exact same: I wake up late, I go on my phone and doom-scroll tiktok all day, I eat while doom-scrolling the internet or "chatting" with people on discord who just blatantly ignore me no matter what I say, I stay up till 2-7am,  and I go to bed, and my day repeats. I can't even remember the last time I spoke with my ex "friends" (who haven't reached out to me this whole time) or the last time I left the house, and if my grandma doesn't die soon, things are never gonna change and I'll die alone. The closest to an actual "relationship" I ever had was with my friend, and that dickhead replaced me who's just there to sabotage our relationship and probably has something against me, even though I've never met the foid in my entire life, which makes it 10x wo...

[11:44 pm]  My head is fucking spinning and ringing and everyting is so loud to the point I can't even focus. I can't even fucking doom-scroll because of how bad it is, I'm disoriented as shit, and it doesn't fucking help that my parents are arguing over some noises coming from somewhere and shit, and honestly, I'm just tired of everything.  And I got forced to apply to this shitty job that I'm nowhere near qualified for, so my mom's been trying to change my sleep schedule by making me stay up all day, so I haven't even had the energy to do jack shit today, and my parents are getting mad at me for it and are also getting pissed because my sleep schedule hasn't changed at all (infact I've been staying up more and having a hard time falling asleep), and I'm fucking overwhelmed so bad right now because everything hurts.  I feel like i'm getting close to a meltdown because I can't calm myself down for shit, and we all know how "copin...

[12:39 am]  Some days, I think my parents are gonna get a divorce sooner than later, and tonight was is one of them. So, my mom got some emails talking about some charges and shit on her card that she didn't know about, and a few of them they sound like they were purchased around the time my dad was working on the doors for his clients and shit. Instead of politely asking him if he made any extra purchases that she didn't know about, this bitch decides to start yelling at my dad and accusing him of using a card that she asked him not to (even though there wasn't any evidence proving or denying this).  So then my dad rightfully gets all defensive and starts asking if he could look up any receipts to see what kind of purchases he made, but my mom isn't letting her and she's screaming at him continuing to ask him if he purchased from some place called Harbor Freights (idfk, sounds like a mountain climbing shit but it's probably one of dad's purchases for the do...

  [8:04 pm] Sorry for the lack of updates and shit, I keep procrastinating on it for some fucking reason and I'm not exactly sure why, but lately I've been thinking about my ex friends and the shit they pulled on me for over 5 years, and I think I've come to the realization that they're some of the worst people I've ever spoken to in my entire life.  (keep in mind this rant's just talking about all of them in general, but a few of them are targeted at specific people I used to be friends with. I'm not giving them code names because I do genuinely hope they get harassed for it, I don't care what happens to them, I have no respect for them anymore, and I'm not gonna sugar coat what they did by giving them code names.) When I used to be friends with Abby, Vii and Ava, and their friend group, I would always try to invite them to hang out and shit, and every-time they would always say "oh, sorry i got plans, i need to help my parents with their busin...

   [5:15 pm] Today wasn't all that interesting, I just watched some internet horror videos (my favorite content creator from that genre is Fallen McGuire, i think that's how you spell it but his videos are pretty high quality tbh), emptied the dishwasher, got some groceries in, and I was gonna work on Nozomi's backstory, but trying to focus on one thing for days at a time when you basically have no schedule and have unmedicated ADHD is a bitch honestly.  Honestly, just this past month in general hasn't been all that interesting, I wish something noteworthy would happen. It's like i said in my last entry, Colorado is so BORINGGGG >_< I think it has to do with how the internet feels so fucking bland nowadays, like you can't just go on the web and type in random web addresses anymore thanks to web crawlers and people buying domains to redirect them to their site, and Google floods search results with sponsor after sponsor, basically meaning that you can't...

[2:21 pm]  I can't fucking STAND my family sometimes, it pisses me off.  My house hasn't been clean for over 5 fucking years, the dishes are piling up, my cats are shitting everywhere cause nobody's emptying the cat litter, there's nowhere to cook because my mom keeps getting Tupperware that we never use from my grandma, even though we have NOWHERE to put it, and our yard looks like some meth addict lives here. HELL, I don't even know where any of the cleaning supplies are because they're buried deep under all the shit that's in the garage, it's THAT bad. But instead of actually taking the time to clean the house for once in their damn lives, they just say "oh yeah, I'm gonna do it tomorrow, tomorrow we're getting this house cleaned, we can't keep living in this shit pile anymore!", and they never do it, then they expect ME to do it because for some fucking reason, they think that shifting the responsibility onto ME, the lazy and re...

  [9:32 pm] Dude, I just had the weirdest fucking tweak out of my entire life .   So, I'm talking with my friend about some trauma we had with the cops and shit while I was working on Nozomi's backstory (which is getting closer to completion btw, just gotta do one or two more important events and I'll be done) and while I was doing that, I overheard some police sirens pass by my house, and at first I thought nothing of it cause that's normal where I live, right?  Several minutes later, I heard what i think are more sirens, and i begin to get worried, so I go outside to check, but I find nothing.  So I go back inside and try to ignore it.  But then I hear what i think are even more sirens, plus the sound of shouting, firetrucks and even music for some damn reason (???), so I go out there again, still nothing.  It was a this point where I began to panic, because I was worried that something was happening IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD,  and it also didn't help ...

  [10:54 am] So, last night my dad promised to take me to go volunteer with him today while he drops off some doors he stained to his last clients n shit, but because the weather got bad earlier today, we didn't end up going, and he just took me to McDonald's to make up for it.  Obviously, I'm grateful for the food (I love McDonald's), but I'm staring to feel bad that I'm spending so much money on things when my dad's literally struggling to make end's meet, and from what I heard and what he told me, I think he's getting sick of the client's demands.  They're expecting him to make the doors all "perfect and natural looking", and my dad's worried that they won't think the doors are good enough and won't pay him for all the effort and materials he put into this project because of ONE part of the wood that don't look right (that I didn't even notice until my dad pointed it out), and he's just saying "fuck i...

  [12:43 pm] (WARNING: EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE VIEWS AND TRUTH NUKE UP AHEAD, READ WITH CAUTION!!!) ---  Hi! :D  So yesterday I decided to make this online diary to replace my suspended Spacehey account ( check this DevLog post if you don't know what happened ,  I'm still upset about it btw), and honestly, it's kinda neat and shit, but good lord I am BORED out of my mind right now. I can't be the only one that hates Colorado so much, because people wanna glaze the shit out of this fuckass state all the time, but there's nothing to do around here if you don't like hiking or the outdoors n shit. There's basically no teen spaces here in the Springs and I hate it. (doesn't help that the weather's getting colder, meaning I'm basically stuck inside either way).  So I've been just sitting around doom-scrolling on TikTok all day (fuckass app), and honestly, it just makes me more pissed off than it does entertain me.  I ended up on Blackpill edit tiktok, ...